Green in the Face

Tuesday November 28, 2006
-29°C
A few clouds
FEELS LIKE -41°C
WIND NW 17 km/h
GUSTS
RELATIVE HUMIDITY 56%
DEWPOINT -35°C
PRESSURE 102.95 kPa
VISIBILITY 24 km
CEILING unlimited
No wonder I’m so cold. I’m in my office & I have the heater full blast and my door shut to keep the heat in. I feel a little sick to my stomach. I had an English muffin w/peanut butter earlier and it’s not really sitting that well. You know, I haven’t gained any weight since I found out. Which is a good thing. I am quite conscious of everything that I’ve been eating. Not too much junk food, hardly any snacking at night after dinner but then again, I’ve been going to bed so early that there’s really no time to snack. Although last night we were sitting in the family room, Steven had a nice toasty fire going and after dinner we ate some corn chip hoop things. I was laying down with my head on Steven’s leg and he was feeding me. Sounds romantic, no? Not particularly when you realize as opposed to feeding them to me one by one, he was shoving them in my mouth as fast as he could and then started on my nostrils.
Jen was commenting on the fact that since Liz announced, she now knows about 3 pregnant women. I just mentally sang… “four”.
It’s killing me that I can’t tell anyone.

Wednesday November 30, 2006

Between morning sickness, having a cold and general exhaustion, I called in sick today. I would have slept much longer but Steven called me around 10am... bastard. He called to see how I was doing and then recommended that I watch Regis. I hate that show, I can't understand why he likes it so much. Then I hauled my tired & sorry ass down to the living room and curled under my blankie, in front of the super Costco heater and watched a couple TV shows that I taped.

I found some energy in the early afternoon to grab some stuff at the grocery store and then Rye & I went to a friend's place to check it out. Came home and fell back into the recliner. Just that trip (about 1/2 hour) wiped me OUT. So I warmed up and did some studying. I figured that my brain wasn't sick, just my body. I.AM.SO.TIRED. When am I going to get my energy back?

Did I mention that we had a meeting at work yesterday? I feel so bad that they don't know that I'm pregnant. Although, it's not going to be a big surprise when I announce it, the big surprise will be my due date... 3 wks after Liz. eep.

I need to go to bed. I need to sleep.

Freaking Cold

I've been trying to teach Rye to say "baby". Meh, he's smart but it doesn't sound anything like it. He's more or less speaking when we say "baby". His butt is almost too big to sit on the steps.

I asked Steven if he could put the railings up on the stairs, just thinking of the future. I mean right now I slide down the wall in the morning but I figure that when I get bigger I'll need something to hang onto when I walk down the stairs. So Steven asked me if he put it up, then it would just be something that I'd grab when I tripped and ripped it out the wall and tumbled down the stairs. He's so optimistic of my gracefulness, no?

It was -25 today with a wind chill of -38. Holy crap. Steven took my truck on his errands today so I took the bus. Actually I might tomorrow too but I'll wear the big purple coat. Be damned if it's too small. My legs were so cold when I was waiting for the bus that was LATE.

I am absolutely exhausted.

I wanted to study tonight but I really can't concentrate and it's all I can do to stay awake until 8pm so I can go to bed.

I ate alot today but I wasn't stuffed or anything. I should have drank more water, I think I may have overheated in the office this afternoon in my wool sweater. My pants are definitely getting tighter. I can only wear 3 pairs of pants, slowly turning into one.

I wonder if people just think that I'm getting fatter.

Other Stuff

I was going to try & sleep in today but I can't, I guess I'm done sleeping. I need to take Steven's car in to get the tire fixed. I hate driving his car so I'm going at 8am, hopefully they are open. He drove my truck to work.

Yesterday I left work early so I could volunteer at the Church with Inn from the Cold. I helped set up, prepare & serve dinner. Not much to do with preparation, it was mostly done. Sort of depressing when the people came, at least this time there weren't any younger children but still there were some teenagers and it makes you wonder. It's different when it smacks you right in the face, there goes I but for the grace of God. I think that I'll help with the set-up, and cleaning and laundry but I don't think that I'll do the dinner again. There wasn't much that I could help with. Maybe because there were too many of us.

It's uber cold this weekend. Supposed to be -27. WTF? I wish I could start a fire.

This pregnancy doesn't seem real yet.

I asked Steven last night if he wanted to find out "what kind of baby it was"... so he asked me if I had a black one so I said it my most horrible accent... "I would like an East Indian baby, please." We're such dorks.

I wonder when Dr. S's office will call me to come in. I wonder what will happen. I wonder when we have an ultrasound.

I got some more books. Right now I'm reading Mother of All Pregnancy Books and while it's good and has more Canadian content, I don't like it as much as the first one.

Oh yeah, and I asked Liz and her due date is June 22, 2007, so she's 3 & a bit weeks ahead of me. I know Al's head is going to explode.

We're still thinking that Steven will stay home with the baby. We'll see, there's also the alternative that I work part-time work/part-time home. I just don't know what we can do yet. We do know that we're going to split up the parental leave. The first part of I'll be by myself, then we'll do together and then he'll be on his own.

Updates

Monday November 20, 2006
I’m so tired this morning. Walking from my truck to the train. Walking from the train to the office. Exhausting.
And I was so cold this morning too.
I’m wearing this old burgundy dress shirt (that I have from when I was fatter), and I’m not even tucking it in. It’s not that I can’t, it’s just more comfortable.
I really wish that I was able to lose this weight before I got pregnant. But what will be, will be.
I looked up the pregnancy calendar. If you input the first day of your last menstrual period, it automatically calculates all these handy dandy dates.
Conception: October 22, 2006
1st Heartbeat: November 18, 2006
Holy shit, that was Saturday. First heartbeat.
I’m on week 6.
My 12th week is December 30th; so I guess I’ll let work know when I come back from xmas holidays. And since Dawna’s coming, we’re going to Lethbridge, I suppose we’ll let everyone know then.
I talked to Dawna last night. It took all my power to not tell her. I think this is the first time I’ve talked to her since I found out. It was a weird disjointed conversation because I was concentrating so hard on NOT telling her.
I really want to tell Liz too, so we can share this time. But it’s just not right. Not yet.
I feel like throwing up. I was so hungry on my way to work. Ate my oatmeal, am drinking peppermint tea and willing myself not to puke. And I’m still exhausted. I’m inputting these numbers on the spreadsheet and the scrolling is making me dizzy.
Thursday November 23, 2006
I am so cold.
Yesterday it was –21. We went to Darrin’s last night to go over some house stuff while he’s gone and I wore my long big puffy purple coat. Steven (& Darrin) laughed at me. But man, I was freezing. I even curled up under my jacket while we were at Darrin’s.
Joy from Dr. B’s office called me yesterday. She wanted me to pickup some forms because I need to get some bloodwork done before seeing Dr. S, she couldn’t fax them or email them so since Steven had an appt. with Dr. B for some unrelated things but I had asked him to pick up the forms. Anyway, Joy & Steven were chit chatting and I think she said something like did Lori tell her boss that she was pregnant? And Steven said “Lori’s pregnant? What?” And on & on, totally playing her. He kept it up for a couple minutes. I’m not sure if she whacked him but if she didn’t, she should have. Poor Joy. Although, it was pretty funny.
So instead of lying, I just stated that I needed to go to the lab this afternoon. And left it at that. Normally I would try & do it over a lunch hour but today I have a massage at lunch and I was going to work thru lunch tomorrow because I need to leave early to volunteer with Inn From the Cold at the Church. I suppose, if anyone asks I’ll just say it’s because of this reoccurring throat problem. Technically my throat is still bothering me. And that will fit in quite nicel with my whole “can’t drink because I’m on medication” story at the Christmas party. And then I’ll have to concoct a “must do accounting, so can’t drink” story for the lunch on Dec 14th that Al’s taking us out to.
Today it snowed. The roads weren’t too bad. I slid a bit but I think on the way home, it might be bad. I’ll just go slow. It’s warmer today compared to yesterday. But I have my heater on and my sweater on and I’m still cold.
so I went to the lab to get some bloodwork done this afternoon. Drat my wimpy shy veins. They poked me with the needle in my right arm and then she moved it around a bit. Then she went to get some help. The new lady used a butterfly and poked my left arm and moved it around, started getting some blood and then it stopped. Then she decided to try the top of my left hand with the butterfly. Poke, move & wiggle… success! Slow but steady, 3 vials of blood. By the end I was all sweaty and clammy. I hate getting blood taken because it’s always such an ordeal about finding a good vein.

Friday November 24, 2006

The bruise on my left arm is even worse today.
I told Kelly, my massage person, yesterday that I was pregnant. It just came out when she was putting the heating thing (it’s not a pad, I’m not sure what it is) anyway,. When she was putting it on my abdomen. I suppose I just could have said that I didn’t want it there. Whatever.
I was feeling my stomach area last night and I think it feels different. I mean it doesn’t just feel like fat. Or I could have just been bloated from the milk. One of the two.
Threw up again this morning. This time it was in the alley behind the garage. Lovely.
I wasn’t over tired or exhausted yesterday either. Quite a nice change.

Where did my brain go?

I swear I'm going to lose my job or my mind. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't concentrate and it's killing me.

I finished reading A Beginner's Guide to Pregnancy. Pretty good. Was going to the library at lunch today but got caught up doing work stuff. Maybe tomorrow.

I've noticed after lunch (which I ate at 11am) I got sick. Not puking sick but sick to my stomach kind of sick. Same thing after dinner. And I didn't really eat that much. It's like the food is just sitting there like a lump at the bottom of my tummy.

I walked on the treadmill tonight. I'm wearing this sports bra that not only is giving me a uni-boob but because they hurt so much, is making them hurt more but not bounce. I still have to kind of hold them when I walk down the stairs. Hopefully I stop myself if I'm out in public, but really, you never know.

Another Day, Another ....

I don't know, another what?

I'm so exhausted. I almost fell asleep on the train, at work, on the train home and then in my truck. Between that and the nausea, I don't know how I'm going to make it without falling asleep or puking on someone at work.

I've noticed this smell, when I'm pulling into the garage, this... I don't know what it is but it's a distinctive smell when the garage door is open.

I must sleep.

So tired

I went to Church this morning, I really like Rev. Dave he's not all mumbo jumbo religious but fairly straight forward and realistic.

Then I went grocery shopping. I AM EXHAUSTED. I could seriously take a nap right now. Have to go make some lunch because I am also hungry. Probably going to watch Da Vinci Code in bed this afternoon. I was going to make some calls re: Xmas Food Hamper but being so tired would make that ridiculous. Same goes for homework.

Not quite real

I went to the Library this morning to get some pregnancy books. Surreal.

Then on my errands, I wanted to pick up a journal so I could start a "real" (paper) journal for the baby and maybe buy a baby book. It doesn't seem real though. It's like perhaps I'm making this up and I'm just a big fat faker. I couldn't find the pregnancy section at Chapters so I had to ask and the lady asked me if I wanted infertility, to conceive, after pregnancy? So I lowered my voice, looked both ways (shiftily) and said "being pregnant". It felt like I was an imposter. I looked thru all these books and I just don't know what to get. So I guess I'll review some books from the library, pick my favourite and buy that one. Chapter's didn't have any nice journals so I'll use the "okay" one that I got at Zeller's. It will serve it's purpose quite nicely.

But it's 3pm and all I've had was some toast and oj so I'm off to forage for food.

It wasn't the sausage roll

Dinner last night was great. We met Pat & Oliver at Ouzo and as always they are highly entertaining. We ordered many appetizers and then split two entrees and two desserts. Side note to them: it wasn't the sausage roll that put me over the edge, it was a combination of eating different foods and all the different smells. My taste buds are definitely different. One minute it is tasting okay and then not so much. But the smells. Oh my gosh. We went to the Ironwood in Inglewood (actually we went to A Bar Named Sue first but it was at capacity and got turned away) and the smells were killing me and making me even more sick to my stomach. I could smell vomit, I could smell the food at a couple of tables away... it was awful. I might have to find my smelly lip balms to compensate.

Here's the kicker to entire night. After bitching to Steven about how nauseous I was feeling and how sensitive I was to smells, we came home and as soon as we opened the back door, we were hit with this...this... STINK. Out of the ordinary Riley stink. So I let him out and we went to investigate. Steven calls me from the upstairs bathroom..."oh my god, come here. You have to see this". Riley had some exploding diahhrea. On the plus side, it was in the bathroom on the tiles but it was everywhere on the floor. blech. Yeah, and guess who had to clean it up. A minute or so of retching and I was washing the floor and then bleaching the floor. Bastard.

I asked Liz how far along she was and she's 9 weeks as of yesterday.

I can't imagine telling anyone at work yet. Although, I'm pretty sure I may be "outed" at the Christmas party. I'm going to have to remember to start playing sick on the Tuesday/Wednesday prior.

Can't stop thinking...

So, I can't talk about this to anyone and it's KILLING ME!!!! I guess for the time being, I'll just have to pour out my thoughts here. I just want to grab random people and tell them that I'm pregnant.

Today I was looking up random things and I found this site that chronicles the weeks of pregnancy and what to expect and the progression of the baby. It was really interesting. Then I made the mistake of reading some message boards and people were posting about miscarriages and what not. It made me cry and I had to stop reading.

Then I read an article about pets and new babies. That was especially interesting. I guess the Calgary Health Region holds a course something like New Baby, Old Pet... once the Rye-guy figures out that baby's are a wealth of unexpected treats, well, I'm sure they'll be best pals. Although, the baby will probably stink like Riley breath. Ewww.

My breasts are so sore. I couldn't run on the treadmill w/out holding them. (sorry, I know too much info) and things are metallic tasting or just "off". AND I'm totally not imagining these symptons because I noticed it last week. I'm also exhausted today but that might be because it was super windy last night. But I felt like I slept like a log.

I just contacted a bunch of people re: Xmas Hamper program. I should be doing homework right now but I did some at work. Tomorrow at lunch I'll be calling more Xmas Hamper volunteers and then I'll finish my chapter 6 this weekend.

Tomorrow night we're meeting Pat & Oliver for dinner at a greek place. Yum. Flaming Cheese. Does it get any better? I'm not sure how easy it will be not to drink but ... well, that came out all wrong. I mean, I usually have a drink when we go out with friends, it will just be weird not to. And I'm not even sure what you're supposed to be drinking. Can I have diet soda? I should probably check. Or not be quite so anal this early on.

Well, I should get my ass out of this chair and do something productive.

Welcome, the rabbit is SO dead.

By the time I give this link out this post will be about 3 months old. But I'm hoping people will enjoy reading about the early stages.

I went to Dr. B today and I'm pregnant.

Let me backtrack.

I took a home pregnancy test on Monday November 13th. It was positive. I shed a few tears but really, I took the test not thinking that I'd actually be pregnant. I was in shock. Steven was sleeping (was on night shift) so I couldn't go jump on him & tell him. AND I couldn't call anyone because 1) I didn't want to tell and 2) Steven should be the first one to know. I did call the doctor's office to make an appointment to confirm.

After he woke up (around 5pm) and AFTER he had his coffee (I'm not that cruel) I told him. I'm not sure if he said anything for a couple of minutes.

I took another test when I woke up on Tuesday morning. Still positive.

I don't even know how I made it thru yesterday at work without exploding the news out.

Alright, which leads up to today. My appointment was for 1150am. I had to lie and say I was going for an early lunch. (then I had to lie to Kelly & Liz again to say that the service was so slow that I didn't get lunch to explain why I had to eat when I came back) Anyway, I thought that I would see Dr. B and he would examine me and send me off for some tests and then I'd have to book another appointment (more lies) to confirm. I was wrong. I checked in with the desk, they sent me to pee in a cup, I came back with my pee cup and was sitting in the exam room. Dr. B comes in and says "congratulations" "are you happy"? "you were trying, right?" And I tell him that I'm not sure if I'm happy yet because I don't know positively and are those tests accurate... and then he tells me "well, three tests are positive." THREE? Yup, apparently they do a test there. I cried. And my mind was going a million miles a minute. He asked me if I calculated my due date. Ummm, no. How in the world do you do that? JULY 16, 2007. I'm about 5 weeks pregnant right now. Well, technically 3 or so from conception.

oh my gosh. oh my gosh. oh my gosh.

We're going to be parents.

I'm so scared.

I'm not sure how I made it thru work this afternoon. I can't even tell you what I did.

Speaking of work, Liz announced that she was pregnant last week. She's due June 29, 2007. I'm pretty sure Al's head is going to explode when I tell him. We (the girls) went out for a celebratory lunch on Tuesday. Had to do some fast talking about why I didn't have a drink. I really don't know what I'm going to do about the Christmas Party. Al's already said that he's going to watch to see if and when I'm drinking. I'm going to have to do some pretty fast talking or get "sick" and be on "medication" that prohibits me from alcohol. I hate lying.

I "chatted" with Tamara today. Killed me not to tell her. I can't wait to tell her.

I came home from work and told Steven. I think he's a bit freaked out. No, I KNOW he's freaked out. But he's happy, I know he is.

I'm just hoping & praying that everything goes well for us.

oh yeah, Dr. B won't be my ob-gyn. I guess he stopped doing deliveries in the early '90s. Darn it. And you can pick which hospital. Of course I picked Peter Lougheed.

I better get to my homework.

I can't wait to tell people. I guess no-one will know until the middle of January. I'm pretty sure they'll try & guess at work tho'.