New Year, New Me

Yeah, not so much yet.

I am trying to be happier.  To embrace my life and everything in it.  I have to be honest though, work is killing me right now.  I am so tired after working long hours all day.  Even though I don't have a physically demanding job, being pulled in 7 different directions while still working on my own projects really take their toll on me.  And then I need to come home and be involved.  It's so difficult.

 

Health wise, I kind of had a bit of a set back.  Without getting into any details, on the advice of the nurse, I was at hospital emergency a couple weeks ago.  So there was 5 hours of my life that I am never ever getting back.  And holy shit what a horrible (not life threatening, just stupid) outcome.

 

I don't know what is going to kick my ass.  I'm just exhausted.  It's dark when I leave for work and it's dark when I come home.  How depressing.  It's just getting to me. 

New Year

Wow, another year has just flown by.  I resolve to write more whether it is in my paper journal or here.  I need to have a record of life because frankly my memory sucks.

So to recap from last year.  Let's see how successful I was.


BS 2013

• learn something new Yes!
• do something outside my comfort zone Yes!  We went snow shoeing, skating.  I ran this year but sadly I stopped but I actually ran 7 km.
• be crafty I'm crafty in my own unique way.
• read more (and track the books) I read more but I didn't track my books.  I'm not sure if I can do this one.
• read less trash  That's a big fat no.
• read 6 non-fiction books Yup, no again.  I don't even know if I read one.
• read 2 educational non-fiction books Meh.  I suppose work stuff doesn't count, right?
• be more patient I'm not sure if this is a fail or not.  I tried but I know I could try more.  And I'm talking about with family.  I don't care about patience at work.
• work less (I know you're thinking haha, work less but if you only knew how much work I bring home.  And it's not like I fuck around at work, it's just my work load is very demanding) I tried but it's difficult.  I do try and make a conscious effort to leave work for the next day if there isn't a pressing deadline.  Sadly I am always behind at work.
• declutter my house hahahahaha.  as if
• declutter my head I wish.  And if people knew what was floating around in my head, they would be amazed.  well amazed or frightened.  one of the two
• be more organized in my personal life not really.  I try but I'm just shitty at it
• lose weight lost and then fucking gained it plus more back
• exercise 3 times per week see above
• gain confidence yes and no.  I have really put myself out there lately and it's getting better.  not so much at work but here in the community
• meet one new person I have met tons of new people in the new community.  And one or two are getting to be quite good friends
• actually have a conversation with this new per son
• go to a movie, but not necessarily with this one new person I don't even know if I went to a movie this year.  I really want to but I think I'll have to go by myself
• blog at least once per week (easier said than done) try try again this year
• start printing photos I really need to do this.  And hang the photos.
• get people to respect me more I don't know about this one.  I'm not sure how much respect I get either at home or work.
• be less fearful I'm getting better. I'm getting more confident about myself
• value my own opinion I really doubt myself a lot.  Even though afterwards I find out that I was indeed correct
• stop caring about what others think getting better about this one. 
• be less judgemental I try and remember that everything and everyone is living their own battle.  I am neither better or worse than my neighbour.  This is a tough one
• be happy if I accomplish at least 2 of the above items, no wait 5 items
• oh and just don't forget to breathe

BS 2014

• Run a 5km
• Journal weekly entries
• lose my fat ass and fuck, keep it off
• go out with friends once per month
• be more involved with life, stop being an observer
• no regrets
• say yes more to things
• say no more to other things
• remember your priorities.  when I die, what do I want John to remember?
• purge.  don't be so afraid to throw things out.  you don't need to keep everything
• learn one new thing
• read 2 non-fiction books
• read less trash
• watch less TV
• get out of the house more - not including work
• talk with family
• meet the neighbours.  socialize with the neighbours

I think that covers it.  No real change from last list.  I want to be a person that John is proud of.  I want to be a great mom.  Not by the book but a great mom in his eyes.  When he grows up I want him to look back on his childhood and feel loved and nutured.  I'm not talking about buying him everything or no rules or let him do everything.  But when he thinks of me I want him to feel my hug.  to know that no matter what how much I love him.  How much he is my world without making him my entire world.