Thanksgiving

Typically when I write cards, I sign from the entire family. All our names. Including Riley. And I draw a little paw print.

These past couple cards have been tough. The card seems incomplete somehow without the Rye guy's name. And it makes me incredibly sad every time. Christmas cards are going to going to freaking kill me. I missed writing the poem last year and I vowed that I would write this year. But now I am dreading sitting down and writing. Will the words flow? Can I put it into words? How can I re-live the pain? My heart breaking all over again.

Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this pain but I do realize that I also have a lot to be thankful for.

The good with the bad I suppose.

I need to be thankful that I had such a wonderful amazing fur guy. Not a pet but my baby.

Thankful for a loving mother. For letting me grow, sacrificing everything for us. Even though she was taken far too early.

And even thankful for my father despite my bitterness.

Instead of being angry or sad that we don't have more kids, I need to be thankful for my son. My joy.

Thankful for my husband. Who loves me no matter what. Despite the added weight and often surly attitude, he still thinks I am beautiful.

I need to be thankful for life. My life. Flaws and all, it's the only life I have and it is and will be only what I make it into. I can whine and begrudge. Or I can make a conscious decision to move forward. To no longer waste energy on the negative and things out of my control.

Overheard

John: you pee sitting down or standing up?
Me: sitting down
John: you need to practise. I pee standing up now.

Me: what did you do this afternoon?
Steven: I fell asleep
Me: you took a nap? Both of you?
Steven: no I fell asleep
Me: it's the same thing
Steven: you plan a nap, falling asleep just happens.