Here and Now

At first, it looks like he's giving you the finger, doesn't it?

I haven't had alot of free time lately, I'm sure you can understand. Right now I'm smack dab in a sleep dilemna. He hasn't slept thru the night in a long time and not only is it getting frustrating but the less sleep I get, the more irritable I get. Trust me, no one wants that. I'm not posting this to solicit advice (read: keep your thoughts to yourself, because I do not want to hear it) I'm posting this to well, post it. I've been trying to get some sort of bedtime routine established but it's pretty hard going. I've also been trying to get him to bed earlier than 11pm, because while it seemed to work for us, upon closer examination it was not. All we were doing was allowing him to sleep on us until 11pm at which time we'd put him to bed. I know, I know, it was wrong but it was easy, it was survival mode at the time and it was absolute heaven to have a sleeping baby on you. So warm. So comforting. So...sigh....perfect. Anyway, then I resorted to nursing him to sleep, and getting him into a deep sleep and putting him to bed. (okay, stop.. STOP... judging me in your minds. Stop clucking and rolling your eyes.) Only to have him either awaken upon realizing that he wasn't sleeping on a warm body or have him awaken 3 hours later. Then I would rush over to him, thinking that it would be better to comfort him before he gets into full blown crying. Alright... NOW, I realize that I should have been letting him cry and self soothe etc... Fine. Lessons learned. Now I need to start putting him to bed while still awake but drowsy. And to let him cry. I tried last night before Steven got home from work and it broke my heart. Also, poor Riley... he'd hear the baby cry and run to get me, nudge me with his nose and look in the direction of the baby and look back at me. He obviously hasn't been reading the same books as me and doesn't understand the "letting him cry theory". And I gave in last night. So I thought I'd give it another go at naptime this morning. He's been pretty good at naps until yesterday and today. Man, it's like he KNEW. So, he cried. And I cried. Then I thought perhaps we'd lay together in the bed... and it was good. He lay beside me, and while not sleeping was still fussy but relatively quiet. Then he farted. A long, drawn out, wet fart that signifies poop. (you haven't lived until you've heard it) I changed his diaper and put him in his crib, covered him up and left the room. He didn't cry. He also didn't fall asleep rather he played with the FP music machine. But after 15-20 minutes, he was asleep. All by himself. I'm feeling kind of successful right now. After about 40 minutes, I thought that perhaps I would have a bath. I haven't had a bath since well before I was pregnant. But the running water must have woken JT up because he started fussing, but I held firm and cowered in the bathroom rushing thru my bath, all the while listening for the wails. My luxurious bath turned into some kind of freakish speed bathing event! But when I checked, he had fallen back asleep. All by himself! I just have to try this at night time now. This is going to be a difficult week.

And poor Riley, not only will he have to live thru the crying but I think his hips/back legs are getting bad. The other day I was here in the family room and he followed me, then he went downstairs to the basement. I called him to come up and nothing. I called again... nothing. Very un-Rileyish. So I looked and he was sitting at the bottom of the basement stairs looking up. I called him and he put a paw on one step and started, then stopped and sat down. He did this a couple of times. So I went down to look at him and coax him up the stairs. He came but very slowly. Same thing at the bottom of the stairs in the family room. I got worried but he seemed fine on flat surfaces and also going up the stairs didn't seem to pose any kind of problem. And last night when the baby was crying, he had no problem running up the stairs to the baby's room. So I'm just not sure anymore. Steven says "he's just getting old." My baby is getting old. :(