Five Months Old

John is 5 months old today. He smiles more and laughs more. We have our own little routine most days. He's still not sleeping thru the night (gone are the 11pm - 9am sleeps!); and he's usually waking up multiple times per night. We'll get thru it though, or rather I'll get thru it, bitching and grouching the entire time. His explosive farts still make me laugh and shake my head in amazement that someone so tiny could fart so loud. It's funniest when he's nursing and these tiny little farts will come pffft and lingering and staccato like a machine gun. He'll be crying and wailing and carrying on like there's no tomorrow and then he'll look at you and smile and laugh and your heart will melt. He likes to stand if you support him. He can also sit up if he's supported. He hasn't rolled over again so I'm apt to think that the first one was a fluke and he was probably just off-balance. He likes to watch Riley, so sometimes I'll make Riley sit or lay down near him. He kicks his legs with such power that I'm afraid he'll bruise his poor little feet when he bangs them on the ground. I look at him and every day he just looks more and more like a little person and less like my little baby boy.

He loves his Jolly Jumper. If you ever come over, make sure you see him in action... it's hilarious. But someone has to be watching him or he gets quite upset, I usually make Riley lay near him so John thinks he has a captive audience.

Happy Birthday Grandpa

Here and Now

At first, it looks like he's giving you the finger, doesn't it?

I haven't had alot of free time lately, I'm sure you can understand. Right now I'm smack dab in a sleep dilemna. He hasn't slept thru the night in a long time and not only is it getting frustrating but the less sleep I get, the more irritable I get. Trust me, no one wants that. I'm not posting this to solicit advice (read: keep your thoughts to yourself, because I do not want to hear it) I'm posting this to well, post it. I've been trying to get some sort of bedtime routine established but it's pretty hard going. I've also been trying to get him to bed earlier than 11pm, because while it seemed to work for us, upon closer examination it was not. All we were doing was allowing him to sleep on us until 11pm at which time we'd put him to bed. I know, I know, it was wrong but it was easy, it was survival mode at the time and it was absolute heaven to have a sleeping baby on you. So warm. So comforting. So...sigh....perfect. Anyway, then I resorted to nursing him to sleep, and getting him into a deep sleep and putting him to bed. (okay, stop.. STOP... judging me in your minds. Stop clucking and rolling your eyes.) Only to have him either awaken upon realizing that he wasn't sleeping on a warm body or have him awaken 3 hours later. Then I would rush over to him, thinking that it would be better to comfort him before he gets into full blown crying. Alright... NOW, I realize that I should have been letting him cry and self soothe etc... Fine. Lessons learned. Now I need to start putting him to bed while still awake but drowsy. And to let him cry. I tried last night before Steven got home from work and it broke my heart. Also, poor Riley... he'd hear the baby cry and run to get me, nudge me with his nose and look in the direction of the baby and look back at me. He obviously hasn't been reading the same books as me and doesn't understand the "letting him cry theory". And I gave in last night. So I thought I'd give it another go at naptime this morning. He's been pretty good at naps until yesterday and today. Man, it's like he KNEW. So, he cried. And I cried. Then I thought perhaps we'd lay together in the bed... and it was good. He lay beside me, and while not sleeping was still fussy but relatively quiet. Then he farted. A long, drawn out, wet fart that signifies poop. (you haven't lived until you've heard it) I changed his diaper and put him in his crib, covered him up and left the room. He didn't cry. He also didn't fall asleep rather he played with the FP music machine. But after 15-20 minutes, he was asleep. All by himself. I'm feeling kind of successful right now. After about 40 minutes, I thought that perhaps I would have a bath. I haven't had a bath since well before I was pregnant. But the running water must have woken JT up because he started fussing, but I held firm and cowered in the bathroom rushing thru my bath, all the while listening for the wails. My luxurious bath turned into some kind of freakish speed bathing event! But when I checked, he had fallen back asleep. All by himself! I just have to try this at night time now. This is going to be a difficult week.

And poor Riley, not only will he have to live thru the crying but I think his hips/back legs are getting bad. The other day I was here in the family room and he followed me, then he went downstairs to the basement. I called him to come up and nothing. I called again... nothing. Very un-Rileyish. So I looked and he was sitting at the bottom of the basement stairs looking up. I called him and he put a paw on one step and started, then stopped and sat down. He did this a couple of times. So I went down to look at him and coax him up the stairs. He came but very slowly. Same thing at the bottom of the stairs in the family room. I got worried but he seemed fine on flat surfaces and also going up the stairs didn't seem to pose any kind of problem. And last night when the baby was crying, he had no problem running up the stairs to the baby's room. So I'm just not sure anymore. Steven says "he's just getting old." My baby is getting old. :(

What a Difference A Year Makes

This is me a year ago. Man, what a change. Although, I am still scared out of my wits from time to time; I wouldn't change anything. Everything that has happened has shaped me, it has created our baby... sure who wouldn't want a perfect outcome but to what result? Would it change who JT is? I re-read my paper journal all the time and instantly I am transported right back to that time, sometimes even that mindset I had when I wrote the words. And it's amazing how everything has changed and at the same time how little has changed.

I was going to take a picture of "and this is me now". But as always (at this time of day) I am unshowered and a bit fuzzy around the edges still. And thank the Lord, you can't smell me because I.AM.RIPE. I don't deny it, I'm not proud of it but really, what are ya gonna do?

Lest We Forget

No matter what our personal beliefs may be, please don't ever forget our brave soldiers who are willing to lay down their lives for us.

Write to the Troops, let them know that you care.

You can also snail mail or send a Christmas card.

Busy Bee

It's been a busy week. On Sunday I woke up in plenty of time for Church. Thank Daylight Saving Time for that one. Steven was even awake. He decided that if he was coming with us then we would go to Murdo's Church, not mine. As soon as we walked in, he spotted us and introduced us around and then I could see Marie across the room the minute that she spotted us, she kept an eye on JT. She made a beeline for us. It was great seeing them. I wish I would have gotten a good picture of Murdo and the baby, I mean really it's a direct line to GOD but we didn't. Maybe next time. Then we went to visit Deb & family for the rest of the afternoon.

On Monday we had our monthly playdate with the online mommy's group. There were alot of people this time, still apprehensive but everyone is super nice and all the babies are lovely. JT got to try the Jolly Jumper and at first he was afraid, (he was petrified, thinking how he could never live without you by his side...) (alright, if you didn't get that then you don't know your song lyrics at all) anyway, he just stood there, well actually he just hung there suspended in mid air. His little feet not touching the ground at all. And then we adjusted the chain and his tiny feet touched ground. He stood. And then he stood some more. Then slowly his right leg would move. And then his right leg kicked out and he spun around and bounced. It was the cutest thing ever. I wish that I had taken my camera. (note to self: start packing the camera in the diaper bag. Must document babyhood)

Tuesday was our regular Gymboree day. Same old stuff except that afterwards I stopped by so Linda could meet JT. She has christened him "peapod". I think she has names for all the nieces and nephews.

And then Wednesday was vaccination day. He got the same 3 as last time and I'm not exactly sure how it happened but I also got a vaccination. The TD one. Sucks. So the health nurse was definitely old fashioned. First off, I felt like completely inadequate when she lectured us on putting the baby to sleep. We were doing it all wrong. And it wasn't about survival but we needed to establish the bedtime routine now if we didn't want to screw it up. She also extolled the virtue of home cooking. Of roasting chicken and beef. Now granted I WAS staring at her blankly so I guess she took that to mean I didn't know how to cook and she expanded her lecture. Instead, the blank look was supposed to convey that I didn't care what she was saying. She was enthralled about telling me how to roast a chicken and pour off the juice, throw that in the fridge and cool off the layer of fat. And then, AND THEN take the chicken carcass and simmer it to ... wait for it... make soup. Now cut the vegetables... blah, blah, blah. Seriously I wanted to cut her. Oh, and of course when she makes potatoes she also saves that water in the fridge and uses that. Really, I wanted to slap her. I guess she took my silence as ignorance. But the absolute best part? Was when she started in on Steven about eating breakfast.

Steven: I don't have time for breakfast
Crazy Health Nurse: of course there's time.
(Then she shoots me a look)
CHN: don't you wake up with him?
Me: What, are you nuts?
CHN: What time does baby wake up?
Me: On a good day, 9am.
CHN: Oh, when my husband was working (I think with horses), he'd get up at 4am. I'd get up to eat breakfast with him and then go back to bed.

Then she started in on the virtue of oatmeal, and not the instant kind. She told us how to make it and of course to add milk and brown sugar. I should have told her to fuck off instead of listening politely and the appointment would have gone alot quicker. Don't you think she should be a bit more concerned about the welfare of baby and mother than the fact that I choose to SLEEP instead of waking up at 5am to make my husband breakfast? Don't you think I have alot of other fucking stuff to worry about? Like making sure I get breakfast or have time for making and/or eating lunch? No, she worries about the fact that Steven's not getting breakfast. What, is he crippled? Can he not do it himself? I should have bitch slapped her. But, no I'm definitely not bitter about her.

Like last time, he fell asleep in the truck and was fairly good until we got home and then he cried and cried. And screamed and screamed. And then he fell asleep and he'd have this little pitiful cries during sleep. Poor boy. It's heartbreaking to hear him cry like that. The next day started well, he seemed to be in good spirits but as the day wore on he was less and less happy. We went to visit Linda and Dawn in the afternoon and he was not a happy camper. I think Linda has a complex now. He screamed and cried and whimpered. On the way home, we stopped at the 2nd hand store and bought some clothes and a Jolly Jumper. Last night, he was still pretty fussy and cranky. He perked up a bit when I stripped off his clothes and he cuddled in his blanket in just his diaper. But then he was awake crying from 230am - 4am this morning. And then awake for the day at 745am. I'm pretty tired right now. He's down for his nap, which has become sort of routine.

That's How We Roll Around Here...

Yesterday JT and I were hanging around laying on the living room floor and he rolled. HE ROLLED! Yipee! A true rollover. Not like last time when he tipped off the pillow and rolled off. He rolled from front to back. We've been practising. I was hoping to get a repeat and capture it on camera but he just laid there and then eventually started being sad about laying there. Maybe next time.

Hmm, I was just noticing the word "roll". If you stare at it long enough it looks like it's spelled incorrectly. Roll. Rolled. Rolling. Well, NOW it doesn't even look like a word to me. Roll.

Rolling, rolling, rolling... though the streams are swollen Keep them doggies rolling... RAWHIDE

All The Ladies Love Me

JT's first trip to the legion with dad, Uncle Shawn and mom. All the ladies loved him, JT not Steven, and everyone talked to us. Having a baby sure makes you seem approachable!

And a trip to the legion is not complete unless you get the Nevada pull tickets.

White Men Can't Jump

JT had his 4mth doctor's appointment yesterday. He is 15lbs, 6oz and 25" long. He is in the 55 percentile for weight and the 50 percentile for height. Dr. B is amazed at his growth since at his last appt, he was in the 25 percentile for height. Steven joked that "finally, the white gene is kicking in." He was disappointed that Dr. B didn't laugh. We got some cream for his eczema. That's why the baby lotion was only doing so much for his cheeks. So far, it's only been 3 applications and it's much better already.

Steven also had an appointment and received this prescription nasal spray. In the dr's words.. "when you spray it, smell the roses don't snort the coke." Oddly enough, it got the point across.

I am waiting for my aunt Linda to come and visit me. I dressed up. Look, I'm even wearing shoes.