Top Ten List for 2009

I read blogs. I love reading blogs. I read alot of blogs. There's been this list that's been floating around recapping the previous year. There's memes regarding the previous year. I've been toying with the idea of doing either one but I'm just not sure that I can. Plus does anyone else really care? I mean, really?

And I'll just assume that there are people reading and are interested in our sad, lame, boring and pathetic lives.

My Top Ten List for 2009, in no particular order.

1. My little family of four.

2. My sisters.

3. My laptop. ( I know, materialistic but I need to be honest. I love my laptop)

4. My health

5. My job.

You know, you'd think that 10 wouldn't be that high of a number but oh my God. I think I have to stop at 5. If I did any more than five then really it would be stretch. I have to be honest this past year was, for the most part, brutal. The start of 2009 is sort of a blur. I mean, I know that I lived it but I just don't quite remember alot of it. I think that I was just going thru the motions. And then sometime in the Spring, I woke up out of my trance. My life was still shitty, I was still crying alot but it wasn't quite as painful. The ache was still there but the pain had lessened.

Then I made a conscious decision to live. To be happy. To be an adult and make the most out of my life and to put my own family first. My small, little family was my priority.

And so this past Summer was good. It was like an awakening for me. To appreciate my husband who, while not understanding me all the time, still loves me. Who supports me, who raises our son and looks after me. To love my son and cherish whatever time that we have together. Because in the big scheme of things, you just don't know, do you? And to embrace my dog, who is getting older and slower but still so very smart and loveable.

And then the Fall. Oh, the Fall of 2009 kicked me in the proverbial nuts. And then pissed on me while I was down writhing in pain. I have alot of different emotions running through me. There's alot of different things aching to get out. But possibly that's for a future blog post.

If you don't see me cry, please don't think that I don't. I just can't go down that road again. I can't lose that much of myself again. And you know what? It's a completely different situation and there is a completely different set of emotions to deal with. You don't know me. Don't think that you do. There isn't a right or a wrong way to grieve. This is definitely a future blog post.

In preparation for this post, I pulled last year's "BS" (Best Shot) list for 2009. How did I do?

This is my BS for 2009

• I will not gain more weight - well, up until dad died, I had actually lost 12 pounds. And then I gained it all back in 2 months
• I will become more spiritually aware of my surroundings - this one is really hard to gauge. I think that I am but I could probably try harder
• I will try to see it from the other person's perspective - I actively try and do this. I am well aware of my shortcomings and I work hard at this one. To take a step back and take a moment before speaking.
• I will try at least one new thing - I tried alot of new things this year. Not very exciting but the one I will share with you is that I took a knitting class.
• I will read more non-fiction books...no, I will read ONE non-fiction book - I was very successful at this one. I read a couple of non-fiction books. The problem that I actually had was that I didn't write down any titles!
• I will make a budget - didn't do :(
• I will stick to my budget - see above
• I will organize my home desk - sort of, kind of, maybe organized it a bit.
• I will TRY and be tidier and less of a pack rat - really, I try. I have cleaned up a bit and thrown some stuff out. I have to be strict with myself with what I need to keep and what I need to throw away. I try to make an effort. But biggest motivating factor behind this is the TV show "Hoarders" on A&E. Every time I watch this show, it always gives me a boost to clean up.

My BS List for 2010

• I will LOSE weight
• I will continue reading non-fiction
• I will make a budget
• I will stick to the budget
• I will continue to be tidier
• I will try one new thing this year
• I will put my family first (although this one should probably be first on the list!)